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January 2008

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Letters from the Editors

Brooke's Letter #18

Nicole's Letter #18

Features

Hope for Healing Monument

Mission Statement Healing

Men Speak of Child Abuse1

Men Speak of Child Abuse2

Men Speak of Child Abuse3

Subjective

The Scars Remain

Never Too Late to Leave

What You Lose

Minute of Decay

Self Reflection: Portrait

Poetry and Art Corner

Lay Still

Art for Healing: Sharen

Butterfly Flees

HATE

Poetry by Joyce Collins

Presence in Absence

Images by Albert Alvarez

Images by Lady Fuschia

Scarred Woman by Bob Ross

Scarred Woman Prolog

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

Book 5

Book 6

Book 6.5

Book 7

Book 8

Book 9

Book 10

Book 11

Book 12

Book 13

Book 14

Book 15

Book 16

Book 17

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CONTENT EDITOR, Brooke Palmer

He loves me but doesn't know how to express love. He's insecure. He was neglected as a child. He is a good person on the inside.

I love him so much. I hate him. I don't want to lose him. I want him to die.

He's the one who cheated, but he calls me a "whore." He's the one who can't speak one articulate sentence, yet he calls me "stupid." 

I give him sex whenever he demands it. But I am "frigid." We make up using sex. Sex is both a pain and an escape.

I confided in him. I thought he truly cared. He was nicer than the other assholes. Then he turned around and did the same thing.

Control men through sex. Control men by not caring about them. They don't have emotions anyway. They aren't capable of being hurt. I try to hurt them. It makes me feel better. 

PTSD. Dreams.....nightmares. Pain. Tears. Paralysis. Stuck. Can't move, can't calm down, why? Why? It was so many years ago.....why does it still have to affect me today?

Forget about it. Get over it! Don't waste time thinking about it; you're holding on and refusing to let go of the past. You should just move on. Why does it still bother you? Why did you stay anyway? Why didn't you leave?

Why didn't we help her sooner? Why couldn't we have gotten her away from him? We didn't try hard enough. Why didn't we know what to do? How can I help her now? 

It's none of my business. Call the cops. Don't call the cops. I want someone to care, but I can't handle their concern.....if he finds out that someone is trying to help me, then......

Alcohol and drugs help. Get my mind off it. Party and have fun. Casual sex is the best way to go....no attachments, no pain. 

Can I get my virginity back? I'd rather my first time be an expression of love. Is it too late to be innocent? Will I ever be innocent?

I said "no" many times.....and I know he heard me, but I didn't actually fight him off. I gave in to his pressure, physically, but I said "no"......was that rape? 

He didn't ever hit me. He slapped me a couple times, but not hard. I slapped him first. 

I'm afraid to leave the house. He might kill me this time. I can't sleep. I can't let my guard down. He already stole our daughter.

That bitch of a Probation Officer did nothing to help me! How could they let him go on like that?

He was abusive sometimes, but he didn't "abuse" me. 





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