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In
what ways did he abuse me?
He
would call me names when he got angry. Slut, whore, cunt, bitch, whatever
fit his mood at the moment. He made me feel beat down and totally wasted
inside. I was no longer myself.
How
did he attempt to control me?
While
he could do whatever he wanted, I was not allowed to go out with friends, be
out at a bar after a certain time, wear clothes that showed my stomach....
He
drove my car all the time (he somehow never had one or if he did, it was always
broke down) and I would be stuck at home or work waiting on him. If he
had my car, I couldn't go anywhere or check up on him.
How
did I modify my lifestyle or behaviors?
It
simply became easier on me to just go along with what he said. After a
while, I learned what he expected and just did it. If I resisted it
created a huge argument. I just tried to avoid the arguments.
How
did he abuse me physically?
There
was one incident that was the worst. He started freaking out in my
apartment saying that I had screwed some other guy (he was always sure I was
cheating, probably because he constantly cheated on me) and started throwing
things around. He ended up grabbing me by the throat and throwing me
against the wall and said he should just kill me. I was terrified.
Thankfully the police showed up.
There
were two times he was really mad and spit in my face. Once was in front
of a group of people.
How
did I finally end it?
We had
a baby together and were broken up for most of my pregnancy. We
reconciled for a few months and it seemed like he had calmed down and grown
up. We had a big fight one day when my son was 6 months old and he blew
up and called me names again and said he should just beat my ass. I
decided then and there that it wasn't about me anymore and I refused to allow
my son to be raised believing that was an acceptable way to treat people,
especially your partner.
What
have I learned?
I would
never allow a man to treat me that way again. I was very young when I
started dating him (21) and I was impressionable and naive. It didn't
start out bad between us, he just gradually became more and more controlling
over time. He could be very charming when he wanted and I believed I was
powerful enough to make him want to change. Silly me! He is now 32
and sees my son every weekend. We get along fine now and I think he
respects me more for being strong enough to walk away from him and stand up for
myself and my son. In his heart I believe he knows he was wrong, although
I doubt he will ever admit it. I have moved on with my life and have
forgiven him, but I won't ever forget the way he treated me and how it made me
feel. I have learned and grown a lot in the 11 years since I met
him. Maybe I should thank him for making me into a stronger woman.
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