We Could All Use a Little Sexual Therapy…….
For the February Love Issue, certified sex therapist Shannon Peck of San Antonio answers some of our questions about sex and love.
How/why did you decide to be a sex therapist?
Part of my practicum was with an instructor who ran sex offender treatment groups. I learned to do that and after a while went into practice with the instructor. For a while, I was one of only a few females working with males who had been incarcerated and part of their parole was to attend treatment groups. After being licensed as a sex offender treatment provider, I became intrigued with this population’s misunderstandings and unhealthy beliefs about sex. After a while, my colleague, Mark Steege, volunteered to supervise me in becoming certified as a sex therapist by AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists). This led to my entry into more generalized sex work and gradually I quit working with offenders except as an evaluator or forensic consultant. I stayed in sex therapy because frankly, I am never bored!!!!!!!
Do you have any suggestions for newlyweds regarding keeping the romance alive?
Yes, realize that sexual feelings will change. Newlyweds can learn that they cannot maintain the level of sexual desire that is present at the beginning of a relationship. Nature intends us to move into deeper levels of love and affection.
Any book recommendations about this topic?
The 7 Stages of Marriage by Sari Harrar & Rita de Maria (excellent chapter on newlywed sex).
Good Virations Guide to Sex.
The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld (excellent chapter on myths about sex and communication for men).
How should couples deal with different love styles (like she wants more aggressive initiations, he's shy and fears rejection if he tries to be more aggressive)?
TALK, TALK, TALK & LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.
Remember that it is ok to ask questions, and not know the answers...........this is a great way to practice making up your own rules for your relationship. A really good website with information about female sexuality for females and the people that love them is www.the-clitoris.com. It is a good informational site and reported as very helpful by clients. Marty Klein also has a good book that deals with this called Beyond Orgasm. Marty is a seasoned sex therapist so sometimes he is too much for people just beginning their sexual exploration.
What about that vaccine for HPV?
The only approved vaccine for HPV in the US is Gardasi but it only protects you against types 6, 11, 16, 18 (though these account for the majority of hpv-related clinical diseases). The only way to ensure not getting HPV is to have absolutely no genital contact whatsoever (yeah, like that is going to be most people's choice).
Should people get it the vaccine if they've already had HPV?
Yes, because there are so many types of HPV and you can still be protected from another one if you do not currently have it.
Do you like the vaccine?
I feel that some HPV protection is better than nothing...so far, the side affects are not apparent in clinical testing, and it fosters the idea of obtaining protection at an early age. Being pro-active.
The selling of sex toys is no longer illegal in Texas.
Yeah.
Amen
about time
and lets set up classes there too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you work with elderly people?
Yes, I do work with "elderly" people...........I just can't decide at what age to label them as elderly!!!!!!! I just try to think of them as people who still want sex! But, truthfully, I don't see nearly as many people in my general or sex practice who are over the age of 60. I don't know why, but wonder if it is positive or negative.
Are the sex lives of the elderly different than the rest of the population?
The sex lives of the elderly consist more of health issues....aging produces many unpleasant physical problems those of which people seem to except as normal AND untreatable. Educating people who are aging about what's available is something I would like to do more. The one thing aging "sex wanters" have that younger populations don't is that for the first time in their lives they are not willing to put everyone else’s needs first.
Are Americans sexually healthy, emotionally and physically?
Too broad for a short answer, but I will take on sexual emotion. No, we are not. We have little healthy sex education and are taught all the things we cannot do instead of all the sexual, developmentally appropriate things we can do. CAN, not Should. There are way too many shoulds in the world of sexual belief and feeling. Emotionally, I think many of us are stuck in the romantic, earth-shattering stages of sex, some of us are stuck in the technique and toy arena, others are stuck in the "why doesn't it make me feel the way it used to” phase, another group in setting up rules about sex, many of us in the how can I get my partner to have/forget about having sex arena, and the rest of us are stuck in the how can I be sexual without getting caught online stage of sex. Very few of us are actually aware that emotionally healthy sexual humans see their sexuality as integrated into who they are and how they live. Wow....I really got on my soap box there.
Do you believe in sex addiction?
I don't know. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. It usually depends on if the belief is successful in therapy or not. Addiction, compulsion, trends. I just ask myself how their thinking or behavior is balanced into their lives. Is it taking up too much room from something else? If so, how do we balance it for healthy lives? I guess sex therapy is more about a process of moving through all our different sexual selves in the context of our lives or on a sexual continuum that has as much uniqueness as our personalities.
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