It was another nightmare....can you believe it? I've had a nightmare streak now that has lasted about a month or so. They have been so dark and graphic and upsetting that my doctor has even recommended I stop taking the trazadone as a sleep aid. I haven't taken it in over two weeks now and the nightmares continue.
Two of my dearest friends have been murdered in my dreams recently. Both of their ghosts came back to talk to me afterwards. Only one of the ghosts knew she was dead, though. At first, she was just laughing and joking with me like old times, like nothing had ever happened. Then she got real serious. "I'm not ready to look at my dead body yet," she said.
"I'm not, either," I replied.
"It hurt a lot. My mouth was severed."
I'm killing off my friends, one at a time. A so-called dream interpreter from a psychic fair recently told me that these dreams represent how I am killing off the fun parts of my life, not taking time to relax and kick back. There is some truth to that. I am a high-strung person who is stressed out by all the adult demands and responsibilities of life. But I had not asked him to interpret my dreams. I had just thought, since I've tried every other avenue I can think of to get some relief from dreaming, to escape the daily vivid dream memories, and nothing has worked, that I'd try something different. So I asked a psychic for advice on how to get some relief from my dreams. To make them go away for awhile. But for a psychic, he was very concrete; he could not answer my question without being given a dream scenario to "interpret." He was actually fairly Freudian in his interpretations, mostly telling people that they felt they had no control of their lives.
I have control of my life. It's my dreams that I have no control over! It's my dream life that haunts my waking hours with discomfort, fatigue, and darkness.
Jennifer Jones continues to show up at least once a month. It's an interesting and strange phenomenon, considering she and I haven't spoken or seen each other in 15 years. We were childhood friends. So why is she constantly and continually in my dreams? Do I really hold onto relationships for that long after they've seemingly dissipated? For fifteen years I have dreamed about hanging out with her, at least once a month.
And then there's my strange and unexpected romantic partner. A person I'd never really thought of in this way. Until the dreams started. And progressed. What's that about? Is it because a good friend of mine used to have a deep attraction to him and would regale me with obsessive fantasies about this person and now they're lodged in my psyche and have become my own?
Maybe I'll never figure it out.
I also have a lot of uncomfortable dreams about Natalie. I know I have a lot of unresolved anger towards her. I've even wondered if I should contact her and let out all the things I wanted to say in the past and never said. Would that help? Would she stop showing up? Would I have a little bit more peace at night?
He makes a cameo appearance in my dreams regularly. It started before we were even friends. And it continued even after we stopped being lovers.
Did the dream predict a connection that was to come? Or did the dream merely inspire a reaction on my part that led to a relationship? Or is there a psychic connection of some sort that keeps us linked in our psyches?
Perhaps I simply lack filters. I am a very sensitive person and I tend to absorb all that I am exposed to. Perhaps the murders of my friends is simply a combination of my concern for their lives and the troubles they are facing mixed with whatever violent image I saw that day on television or read about in the newspaper.
The nightmares have been so constant, lately, that I've even succumbed to trying to limit my exposure to violence. That's a joke. I like to know what's going on around me and in the world. Knowing is being aware of lots and lots of violence. And despair and neglect. I know that's not all there is. I know there are wonderful things in the world, and in my life. But lately it's the macabre that's dominating my psyche.
A reoccurring one lately is that I am being sought by a murderer. He's outside of my home, which in the dream is a huge mansion full of large rooms with large windows. I run from room to room trying to close the blinds on every window so that he can't see in.
Trust me, I've tried it.
Exercise does not seem to make a difference. Whether it's aerobic, light, walking, yoga, close to bedtime, far from bedtime, frequent, or infrequent. That has not impacted my dream habits.
Food seems to make little difference. I can eat healthy, junky, excessively or light, and the dreams are still there, every night, every morning.
I've tried prescribed sleep aids, unprescribed sleep aids, natural sleep aids. Vitamins. No vitamins. Wine. No wine. Herb. No herb.
I still do not sleep well, I still wake up feeling unrested, I still experience fatigue every day. And I still feel as though I am running myself ragged all night long with the dreaming.
If you have a new suggestion, I'd truly love to hear it. I will try it. But I'm skeptical. This has been my life. Since I was a child.
Are romantic and sexual dreams supposed to be good?
Sometimes mine are. Sometimes they're a little twisted. Apparently I really disturbed a friend of my sister's one time when I told him that I'd dreamed that he and his wife were having sex with their dog.
"You shouldn't tell people those kinds of dreams!" my sister warned.
So I shouldn't tell my newest pal that I recently dreamed he was performing naked at a house concert and then began making out with my mother?
My family and friends have such secret lives in my dreams. Sometimes my mother is a stripper. Sometimes my father is having an affair. My friends occasionally get it on with their pets or sometimes they just appear with the wrong genitalia.
If a divine intervention of some sort promised me that I could sleep soundly every night for the rest of my life, to awaken feeling rested and content and then would be able to maintain this energy throughout my day, and in exchange I would never remember another dream for the rest of my life..........would I do it?
