InvasiveThoughts.com

When I received an email from Brooke stating that Invasive Thoughts was ending (for the foreseeable future, at least) I was a little saddened.  Happy to be invited to submit a few things I found myself both newly inspired as I’m sure everyone who has contributed to this little zine has nothing but great things to say about the professionalism from Brooke, Nicole, and Heather – as well as the thought provoking works they’ve always published.

My start with Invasive Thoughts started with a coworker that knew Brooke and had invited me to their first open house at a downtown San Antonio coffee shop.  Meeting the staff was inspiring, and they welcomed me to submit.

Being an aging poet who had only contributed to some late 90’s poetry forums, band message boards, and the occasional Morrissey fanzine, I was uncertain if I was even worthy.

Furthermore, each issue had a theme – and I’m not generally one to contribute to anything with any parameters set in place.  However, I took it as a challenge and I really wanted to broaden my writing style more than anything, being stuck writing poetry for what seemed like 20 years but was probably closer to 11 was wearing on me – I had been dying to try my hand at my first love, short stories, or even doing some critiques or interviews as it wasn’t something I’d really been given an opportunity to do before.  Having a theme thus became a positive, as it was a challenge to come up with something month after month that may be something I had not written about before.

My first contributions can be found in issue #6, Looking Back, Looking Ahead.  In it I wrote a review of some of the oldest human bones ever found being exhibited in Houston, as well as a poem that serves as a companion piece.  I’m fairly happy still about both of those works.  I also can be found, with many others, in the New Year’s Resolutions of that issue – sad to tell I am still not attractive enough for an Egyptian princess.  My biggest regret from the resolutions is that I still have not written the children’s book that is still to this day, stuck in my head.  I have a beginning, I have a theme, I have half the middle – but I still can’t end it.

Issue #7 I contributed a prose piece for the Love issue, titled Portrait of an Artist as an Old Fool.  While the situation I spoke about did indeed happen, and the piece still is relatable to me and the conclusion of things happening for the best still a mantra that I believe in – I feel this piece was written in haste, is too short, and I could’ve done more with it.  I was trying to be fancy in this one but upon a reread feel it is amateur at best.  So for that, I do apologize reader.

In Issue #9 I did what is my first foray into the art of the interview.  I got to interview local San Antonio musician Matt Barker, who I still have much love for – and I think as a first try at it I did a decent enough job.  If there is something I wish I could’ve gotten out of this piece is that I would’ve found a way to get more people out to see Matt’s concerts.  As I have moved away from SAtown, I sadly haven’t been able to keep in touch with Matt but I’m certain he is still trying to write the perfect melody to go with some of his very down to earth reality based lyrics.

My contribution for Issue #10 is interesting as well – as it is nothing more than three smash cut reviews of different events – a museum exhibit, a musical, and a funeral.  What I find interesting is that it is written in the style that I always wrote my Myspace blogs, and that style still exists today.  Basically each smash cut is separated by a lyric/quote of some sort.  I think what I did wrong in this piece is that I didn’t find a way to tie the events together, so the theme of life and loss is really lost due to my lack of order.

In Issue #13 I contributed a fun little poem.  I say fun because when I look back at it now it is downright silly.  Not ashamed of it by any means, I think it was a stream of conscious type writing that really is just about a guy that likes holding a girl, or at least, the thought of holding a girl.  I’m still searching for that feeling.  Also, that poem mentions Border’s and I think those things are all closed by now, so that sucks.

My poem in Issue #16 – Cupid on a Killing Spree – more than makes up for my debacle from Issue #13.  It takes the story of a modern day yet literal Cupid who is upset that too many relationships are ending, so the arrows become real and he starts killing people – because they are not gracious that he brought them together.  In the end, Cupid cries, and it isn’t because he killed anyone, it is because he hopes that people begin to love again.  I also do a book review in this issue of an Italian novel that I still have on my bookshelf, and I still recommend to any reader up for a challenge.

Something happened after Issue #16’s release.  I moved to Tulsa from San Antonio, and really lost touch with Brooke (who I think had already moved by then), my friend who is also a contributor to the site and who introduced me to the gang (Andres Gonzalez), and really with all my friends and family as I had to start life anew in a new town with a recent promotion I took to prevent myself from losing my job and having to work at Bill Millers. 

I don’t show up again until the Community issue, #23.  In it I talk about neighborhoods, and trying to fit in when you are thrust into a new situation.  To be honest, I am still trying to fit in in Tulsa – which is quite the different hop from San Antonio and Houston where I feel a lot more comfortable.

This isn’t to say I haven’t been keeping up.  Every time an issue was released without a contribution from me I felt anger at myself for not being disciplined enough to create something to share.  I read each review, story, and poem though – and admire everyone who have decided to share their thoughts and views with the rest of us. 

More importantly, I thank Brooke, Nicole, and Heather for giving so many of us an outlet, a stage, an avenue upon which we could connect, inspire, and enlighten one another.