Wendell was a grown-up name. But he didn’t feel grown up. He felt, in fact, under grown, easily missed, invisible. It’s not that he didn’t have friends. He did. And his teachers all knew him well enough. But there was something missing in his day-to-day interactions with others that gave him a feeling of being smaller than everything happening around him. Wendell wasn’t unhappy, either. He was satisfied with his life, content with his grades and performance at school, fulfilled by his hobbies. So why did he feel a little bit absent in the world? Where was this strange sensation coming from?
The feeling first came over him when he was in elementary school. Everyone at recess one day had decided to form an impromptu game of dodge-ball. But Wendell wasn’t really interested in the idea. He had noticed a brilliance in the sky, the sun’s rays growing out of the clouds in fantasy-like hues of neon pink and tropical orange. He and Sam, his best friend, had sat and contemplated the scene until Mickey roused them for the game. “Come on, Sam, let’s play! There’s not that much time left!”
Sam looked at Wendell, eyebrows raised. Wendell shrugged and smiled and continued to gaze at the sky. After Sam ran off to play, Wendell wondered why Mickey hadn’t asked him to join. Had Mickey not seen him there? Mickey knew Wendell was good at dodge-ball because they’d played together in gym many times.
Since that day Wendell noticed this kind of thing often. It wasn’t related just to sports, or to people not liking him. It was just that people didn’t seem to ever bring him in on things happening.
So it was with this strange feeling that Wendell started the 8th grade. As with every new school year, that first week was a whirlwind of activities and social events. The school had many social activities aimed at the kids hanging out together and having fun. Wendell wasn’t really sure what the benefit of all that was; he thought school was school, and fun was to be had after school and on the weekends. Isn’t it all a bit of an act anyway?, Wendell wondered. Are kids actually having fun standing in the gym drinking luke-warm punch?
So what did Wendell do during these events? Sit on the bleachers and read a comic book. Sketch the girls huddled together talking and laughing. He got a quiet enjoyment from these moments of observation, patiently passing the time looking in from the outside.
On the second day of school, there would be a 3pm ice-cream social in the courtyard. When the end-of-the-day bell rang, Wendell saw Sam in the hallway following the masses marching out to the courtyard. But Wendell was walking against the crowd.
“What’s up, Wendell? Aren’t you coming for ice-cream?” Sam asked.
“Naaa, I’m meeting up with James and Bonnie at the café on 9th. We’re going to compare notes on our first days at school. I’m curious how they break ‘em in at their school.”
“Oh. O.K. Tell them hello. I’ll talk to you later,” Sam said and skipped off with the others. As Wendell walked toward the back door of the building, he could feel a breeze from the rushing of bodies that passed him in the hall. No one else stopped to ask him where he was going. No one else seemed to notice. Shereese said hi as he met her eye, but mostly Wendell exited the school feeling invisible again.
The next day in home room it seemed the festivities would never end. After chatting with Fin for awhile, Wendell wanted to get started on his math homework so he didn’t have to take it home. But Mr. Cage had something different in mind.
“Everyone pull your chairs into a circle, I want us all to face each other,” he said as he started pushing desks aside. Everyone obliged and soon a rough circle had formed in the middle of home room.
“I want us all to tell a little about ourselves. I know most of you know each other, but I bet you aren’t the same people you were last year. 8th grade is that much closer to high-school. So what I want everyone to do is go around the circle and say how you’ve changed since summer break. Then we’re going to break into small groups and interview each other about these metamorphoses, to get a little more insight into why we’re different. OK? Julie, you start.”
Julie sat awkwardly for a moment, a strand of her long, brown hair held tightly between her thumb and forefinger. Then her face broke into a smile and turned red. “Well, I had my first date this summer. According to my mom, that’s a big change from when she was my age.” The inevitable “ooohs” and “awwwws” followed her admission but Mr. Cage cut it off and moved onto the next person.
“Well,” Bobby sneered, “I got a dirt bike this summer and learned how to jump hills.”
“And how does that make you different from last year?” Mr. Cage prompted.
“Last year I wasn’t using motor bikes. It’s a whole new level of challenge. It’s a lot more dangerous.” Wendell noticed Bobby sneak a glance at Julie when he said this. He must have wanted to impress her.
This went on for what seemed like hours but it eventually came around to Wendell.
“And what about you, Wendell? What’s different about you this year?” Mr. Cage asked.
“Well, I’m able to see how everything else stays the same,” he blurted out. He immediately realized that his remark was a little rude, but no one else seemed to even know what he meant. In the following silence he began to shrink again. Maybe he hadn’t changed at all. Maybe he was still an immature 7th grader trapped in the 8th grade. Mr. Cage then suggested that they get into groups to work on their interview.
Wendell looked around him as everyone teamed up. He had grown once again invisible. Julie and Bobby and Fin had formed a team, and Stacy and her two best friends had formed a team, and even Wade had a team already. No one had turned to Wendell to ask if he wanted to team up. In fact, no one even noticed that he didn’t have a team. Except Mr. Cage. It was that uncomfortable moment in which Mr. Cage would have to assign Wendell to a team. But Wendell didn’t wait for that. He got up and went over to Fin’s team.
“Hey, can I join you?” Wendell asked.
“Sure,” Fin said.
Wendell and Fin had been friends since 6th grade so Wendell wasn’t sure why Fin had overlooked him. While Julie and Bobbie talked about Bobbie’s new dirt bike, Wendell leaned over to Fin and asked him.
“Hey, Buddy. Why didn’t you ask me to be on your team?” Wendell asked, quietly.
“I just figured you’d find a way out of it. That you’d get Mr. Cage to let you go to the library or art room. Everyone knows you’re too cool for this juvenile stuff. I mean, come on, we all are, but most of us don’t act like it.”
As the voices around him faded into a blur, a distant smile formed on Wendell’s lips. At that moment he felt more grown up than he ever had before. At the same time he felt a little bad. Maybe he hadn’t given anyone enough credit. Maybe there was something to be said for all the social stuff.
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